Scan results came in.

Doc said my scan results looked good. The tiny tumor on my liver did not get any bigger. They did shrink in my last scan, three months ago. So this was the best news we could really hope for. I think he had said that the tumor was only a millimeter or so after it shrank. It was a great relief that my current medication was doing its job.

Thanks for everyone's support.

Update

Did my CT Scan this morning. Not a big deal. Just no solid food before the procedure and drinking a barium compound. During they injected me with a die that show up in the scans. It causes me to flush and get a metallic taste in my mouth. The tech was real nice. I had her last time I did this.

Now we wait until Friday for the results, anxiously.

Status

When my cancer came back last year I went to a dark place. I just knew my life was over. I had thought that the surgery removed all of the cancer. For almost a year I was in a happy place. Then news of cancer spots on my liver scared the shit out of me. Now I am on chemo-therapy for life.

At first is was horrible. The meds made me crazy. I could not remember things. My wife said it was like I wasn’t there all the time. There were blisters on my feet, numbness in my hands and feet and the sensitivity to cold was the worst, especially since I started all this in January. When I would drive my car, it was like all I could do to keep it on the road. There was not much nausea but I was never very hungry. I slept a lot, too. My infusions were three to four hours every three weeks. Not painful but very boring.

My next CT scan was a surprise. Not only had my tumors not gotten any bigger but had actually shrank. We were elated. The doctor took me off most of the medications that caused the worst side effects. I would just on massive doses of on medication in tablets and one thirty minute infusion every three weeks. But I was still have memory issues and sleeping quite a bit. The doctor took me off of the tablets and left me with the infusion. I have felt a lot more like myself since then.

I had to relearn a lot of things most people take for granted. Showering and falling asleep at night seemed all new to me. I know it is strange but that is how it felt.

I have another CT scan scheduled in October. Fear is creeping up on me again. What if the tumor grows? I might have to go on another type of infusion. The doctor said I might have to get a “port”, a surgically implanted needle with an exposed piece that they can hook to a portable device. I would have to use this device two hours a day and go in every two weeks to get it refilled. This terrifies me.

Cancer still sucks and a failure.

Well, the failure was that I would blog my experiences in chemo-therapy. Oh well.

I am just not much of a communicator. Emotions are not shared and I hate pity.

I am half-way through my chemo-therapy and I feel depressed. I hate it. It makes me feel terrible and I hurt all the time. Can't take anything as that would thin my blood too much. And four to five hours of sitting at the doctor's office during my infusion it too much and painful too. The cold sensitivity lasted much longer this time. I hope it goes away soon.

Cannot wait to be done. One way or the other.

Days 2 and 3 of the rest of my life

Yesterday, I worked from home because I had a meeting scheduled with the nurse(s) that would be administering my chemotherapy. Worked a little. Watched a movie online, Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters. It was pretty good. Kept my mind from thinking about my cancer. If I think about it I just spiral into self pity and runaway emotions. Not something I like to do.

The meeting went well. Got a lot of information. They keep talking about the side effects. I am not sure if they harp on them because they will happen or if they are doing it to manage my expectations. I am such a cynic. Lots of reading to do.

Today, I went into the office. Christmas Eve. I got some work done though only one of the development team was there besides me. It was harder not to think about my cancer. It makes the little boy in me want to run away as fast a he can. He is usually close to the surface. He give me my sense of wonder and enjoyment of games. Rough day. Well some friends are coming over to bring us some goodies. I just hope I can hold it together for Christmas at my wife's sister's house.

The first day of the rest of my life

Today, my cancer came back. I suppose I should start at the beginning.

I was diagnosed with cancer of the colon in February of 2013, two days after I was hired at my current job. I had surgery to remove part of my colon and several of the lymph nodes in that area. No cancer was found in the lymph nodes and I had no further symptoms. And my oncologist decided not to pursue chemo-therapy.

In November of this year, after a regular visit to my oncologist. He mentioned that my last CT scan showed two spots on my liver. After more scans and a biopsy, he discovered that my old cancer had come back. I will start chemo-therapy as soon as it can be arranged.

What a rotten Christmas present. My wife is taking it well. I suppose I am, too. Though I keep thinking that this will kill me in the end. Sooner or later.

The first chemo-therapy is 4-5 hours of injections. Though, the doctor said I should not lose my hair. I just have to worry about the nausea and possible nerve damage in my fingers and feet. The nerve pain could be triggered by cold. And of course, I live in Colorado and I am starting this in December. Oh, well.

I don't want pity. I was told that keeping a journal could help with the process. So here I am.

The Republican leadership does not represent me.

I discovered this article listening to The Mark Levin Show podcast. Since my surgery it has been hard to catch up, hence, this is from Mark's show from February 21st, 2013. The author lays out why the Republican party leadership does not represent the majority of the voters in the Republican party. Love to hear your thoughts.