Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Days 2 and 3 of the rest of my life

Yesterday, I worked from home because I had a meeting scheduled with the nurse(s) that would be administering my chemotherapy. Worked a little. Watched a movie online, Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters. It was pretty good. Kept my mind from thinking about my cancer. If I think about it I just spiral into self pity and runaway emotions. Not something I like to do.

The meeting went well. Got a lot of information. They keep talking about the side effects. I am not sure if they harp on them because they will happen or if they are doing it to manage my expectations. I am such a cynic. Lots of reading to do.

Today, I went into the office. Christmas Eve. I got some work done though only one of the development team was there besides me. It was harder not to think about my cancer. It makes the little boy in me want to run away as fast a he can. He is usually close to the surface. He give me my sense of wonder and enjoyment of games. Rough day. Well some friends are coming over to bring us some goodies. I just hope I can hold it together for Christmas at my wife's sister's house.

Monday, December 22, 2014

The first day of the rest of my life

Today, my cancer came back. I suppose I should start at the beginning.

I was diagnosed with cancer of the colon in February of 2013, two days after I was hired at my current job. I had surgery to remove part of my colon and several of the lymph nodes in that area. No cancer was found in the lymph nodes and I had no further symptoms. And my oncologist decided not to pursue chemo-therapy.

In November of this year, after a regular visit to my oncologist. He mentioned that my last CT scan showed two spots on my liver. After more scans and a biopsy, he discovered that my old cancer had come back. I will start chemo-therapy as soon as it can be arranged.

What a rotten Christmas present. My wife is taking it well. I suppose I am, too. Though I keep thinking that this will kill me in the end. Sooner or later.

The first chemo-therapy is 4-5 hours of injections. Though, the doctor said I should not lose my hair. I just have to worry about the nausea and possible nerve damage in my fingers and feet. The nerve pain could be triggered by cold. And of course, I live in Colorado and I am starting this in December. Oh, well.

I don't want pity. I was told that keeping a journal could help with the process. So here I am.