Cancer Status 01/16/2018

Well, I have one more session left. It has been trying because they have to give me back the magnesium that the drug is leaching out of me. So it is a 6 hour ordeal every two weeks. But they have wi-fi and I try to get work done while I sit.

They will be scheduling a CT scan after my last session to see where my tumors are. The mid-way results were promising so I am expecting good results but the not knowing is making me nervous again. Like what will be my regimen after this? I hope they don't keep me on this drug as the rash is not fun. I promise not to gross you out with pictures or details.

Well, I try to live one day at a time but it is hard sometimes. I try to find the wonder in each day I have left. It makes life more pleasant.

Update

Well, my CT scan in July showed some increased activity in the tumors on my liver. My CEA, an indicator of colon cancer activity, number has been going up dramatically over the last 6 months. This has led the doctor to start me on a different drug that is a one hour infusion every two weeks. The side effects are moderate with an itchy rash over my upper torso, neck and head. I am on anti-antibiotics so I don't get an infection and to reduce the intensity of the rash. I also have to put lotions and medicated lotions on myself to reduce the spreading and itching. Everything works relatively well, I suppose. I still itch, constantly. But I am able to get on with my life.

I had my first CT scan since starting the new medication. I should have the results next week. I am still active. My wife and I hike each weekending at least 4 miles. We try to walk daily, also.

Scan results came in.

Doc said my scan results looked good. The tiny tumor on my liver did not get any bigger. They did shrink in my last scan, three months ago. So this was the best news we could really hope for. I think he had said that the tumor was only a millimeter or so after it shrank. It was a great relief that my current medication was doing its job.

Thanks for everyone's support.

Update

Did my CT Scan this morning. Not a big deal. Just no solid food before the procedure and drinking a barium compound. During they injected me with a die that show up in the scans. It causes me to flush and get a metallic taste in my mouth. The tech was real nice. I had her last time I did this.

Now we wait until Friday for the results, anxiously.

Status

When my cancer came back last year I went to a dark place. I just knew my life was over. I had thought that the surgery removed all of the cancer. For almost a year I was in a happy place. Then news of cancer spots on my liver scared the shit out of me. Now I am on chemo-therapy for life.

At first is was horrible. The meds made me crazy. I could not remember things. My wife said it was like I wasn’t there all the time. There were blisters on my feet, numbness in my hands and feet and the sensitivity to cold was the worst, especially since I started all this in January. When I would drive my car, it was like all I could do to keep it on the road. There was not much nausea but I was never very hungry. I slept a lot, too. My infusions were three to four hours every three weeks. Not painful but very boring.

My next CT scan was a surprise. Not only had my tumors not gotten any bigger but had actually shrank. We were elated. The doctor took me off most of the medications that caused the worst side effects. I would just on massive doses of on medication in tablets and one thirty minute infusion every three weeks. But I was still have memory issues and sleeping quite a bit. The doctor took me off of the tablets and left me with the infusion. I have felt a lot more like myself since then.

I had to relearn a lot of things most people take for granted. Showering and falling asleep at night seemed all new to me. I know it is strange but that is how it felt.

I have another CT scan scheduled in October. Fear is creeping up on me again. What if the tumor grows? I might have to go on another type of infusion. The doctor said I might have to get a “port”, a surgically implanted needle with an exposed piece that they can hook to a portable device. I would have to use this device two hours a day and go in every two weeks to get it refilled. This terrifies me.

Cancer still sucks and a failure.

Well, the failure was that I would blog my experiences in chemo-therapy. Oh well.

I am just not much of a communicator. Emotions are not shared and I hate pity.

I am half-way through my chemo-therapy and I feel depressed. I hate it. It makes me feel terrible and I hurt all the time. Can't take anything as that would thin my blood too much. And four to five hours of sitting at the doctor's office during my infusion it too much and painful too. The cold sensitivity lasted much longer this time. I hope it goes away soon.

Cannot wait to be done. One way or the other.

Days 2 and 3 of the rest of my life

Yesterday, I worked from home because I had a meeting scheduled with the nurse(s) that would be administering my chemotherapy. Worked a little. Watched a movie online, Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters. It was pretty good. Kept my mind from thinking about my cancer. If I think about it I just spiral into self pity and runaway emotions. Not something I like to do.

The meeting went well. Got a lot of information. They keep talking about the side effects. I am not sure if they harp on them because they will happen or if they are doing it to manage my expectations. I am such a cynic. Lots of reading to do.

Today, I went into the office. Christmas Eve. I got some work done though only one of the development team was there besides me. It was harder not to think about my cancer. It makes the little boy in me want to run away as fast a he can. He is usually close to the surface. He give me my sense of wonder and enjoyment of games. Rough day. Well some friends are coming over to bring us some goodies. I just hope I can hold it together for Christmas at my wife's sister's house.

The first day of the rest of my life

Today, my cancer came back. I suppose I should start at the beginning.

I was diagnosed with cancer of the colon in February of 2013, two days after I was hired at my current job. I had surgery to remove part of my colon and several of the lymph nodes in that area. No cancer was found in the lymph nodes and I had no further symptoms. And my oncologist decided not to pursue chemo-therapy.

In November of this year, after a regular visit to my oncologist. He mentioned that my last CT scan showed two spots on my liver. After more scans and a biopsy, he discovered that my old cancer had come back. I will start chemo-therapy as soon as it can be arranged.

What a rotten Christmas present. My wife is taking it well. I suppose I am, too. Though I keep thinking that this will kill me in the end. Sooner or later.

The first chemo-therapy is 4-5 hours of injections. Though, the doctor said I should not lose my hair. I just have to worry about the nausea and possible nerve damage in my fingers and feet. The nerve pain could be triggered by cold. And of course, I live in Colorado and I am starting this in December. Oh, well.

I don't want pity. I was told that keeping a journal could help with the process. So here I am.

Health News

The week I was hired as an employee I was diagnosed with colon cancer during a colonoscopy. Within two weeks I was recovering from surgery where a portion of my colon was removed along with 20 lymph nodes. The good news is that the doctors think that they have gotten all of the cancer. I must be monitored for the next 5 years before I can say I am cancer-free. Things happened so fast that I did not have much time for anything to sink in. It is now three weeks since I was diagnosed. Recovery will take a few months for me to complete. I am relieved that I did not have to have chemotherapy which I expected. Some say I was lucky. Others say prayer saved me. My personal belief is that I went to the doctor when I discovered blood in my stool and the doctor suggested a colonoscopy. And the doctor who performed the colonoscopy told me to not waste time in getting a surgeon to removed the tumor that was found. Many men do not see their doctor often enough. I guess men my age, around 50, were raised to ignore pain and hide fear. I think this way of thinking has killed many men.